The title speaks for itself- If anyone wants to write music to accompany, feel free as I’m a rhythmless hack with no sense of musicality. Likely to post a reading of the song/poem soon … hopefully.
Jack Dee captures my sentiments on Christmas exactly in this video. Spending time with people at Christmas is great, IN THEORY. Those are the all-important two last words.

This song is also dedicated to plain miserablists, manic-depressives or simply introverted folk not in elation with this particular date in December. I just like to emphasise (by which I mean condescend) the distinction between those three groups to avoid the obvious stigma. Anyway, enjoy!


The ubiquity of lightly dusted mince pies and little white lies:

“I assure you those socks weren’t three for two!”


‘Tis the Season

(Christmas is the reason)

To be melancholy


The vacuity of the religious; Grandma’s diatribe for which I did not subscribe

The obligatory row; “I’ll sue!”

It’s going to get litigious


‘Tis the Season

(Christmas is the reason)

To be melancholy


Fastidiously lay out the best cutlery: “Mine’s dirty!”

Come the whines of an unknown guest

*Ahem* Give it a fucking rest


Quit this charade and turn off ear-piercing Slade    

Stuffing, stuffing and seventeen kinds of sausage    

Transgress the tradition

And unobtainable perfection to be disobeyed              


‘Tis the season

To be melancholy


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